And She saw the Snow III
by Binkiekitty
Summary: A continuation of And She saw the Snow I and II. Begins with Season 1 and will continue until Sara's departure in season 8. Parts of episodes sewn in with the parts I always wondered about. Rated T or K to begin with but will develop into M later.
1. Chapter 1

A continuation of And She Saw the Snow part I and II. This will continue on indefinably. Follows canon closely. Will eventually aim for Sara's departure in Season 8. Then the title will become clear.

**Chapter 1**

Grissom had asked Sara out for breakfast after work. It had been an emotional day, Holly Gribbs had died, Warrick was almost fired but not, Gribbs' killer was caught and charged, and Grissom had found out that his position as supervisor would be permanent.

He needed someone he could talk to. He also needed someone to stay and take Holly's place. He needed Sara.

"Hey, Sara. You want to grab a bite?" Grissom asked as the rest of the team got into their cars that morning.

"Sure. Where? I don't know anything about the city. I barely know my way back to my hotel."

"Just follow my car."

They arrived at a local diner a few blocks from the lab and took opposite sides of the booth. "Sara, I'm really impressed with the work you did here. Thank you for coming."

"Thank you. I really needed something to get me out of San Fransisco right now."

"Can I ask how you are doing?"

"I'm alright. I mean, I'll be fine. I have to be if I'm going back there, you know?"

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that," Grissom said, raising his eyebrows. "I have some pull over there. I'm sure that with my recommendation, you'll be up for joining the CSIs over there."

"You'd recommend me?"

"Absolutely. Think about it?"

"Yes."

"Good. Just let me know what you decide."

"No. I mean, I accept."

They got breakfast and were preparing for Sara's departure. She left in two days. They took the opportunity to spend time together. They went to a movie, dinner, and Sara asked him to her hotel room.

"Griss, I am only here for a day and a half more, it's been a hard, long day. Come on in and have a drink." Sara opened her door for him.

"I'm not sure this is a great idea..."

"We've been dating for what... two years?"

Grissom choked at this. "What do you--"

"When you told your mom that we were dating. That was two years ago or so." Grissom chuckled at this. "And now you don't think that coming in for a drink is a good idea? Grissom, are you a prude?"

At this Grissom smiled and walked in. He took a seat on the hotel room sofa while Sara continued talking, "I mean, we've even spent the night together, granted, it was on top of a frozen mountain when the sky was falling, but it was night..." She got out two glasses. "What's your pleasure?"

"Whiskey, please, on the rocks." He smiled at her as she poured his drink and hers and made her way to the chair near the couch.

"So how is your mother doing?"

"She's fine. Still teasing me, but she's alright." Grissom remembered the last letter he had gotten from her.

_If that Sara girl ever comes back, you'd be stupid not to do something. I know I raised a smart boy. _

With his mother's words hot on his brain, Grissom thought about them. "She said that I was dumb. Not in the lack of speaking kind of way."

"Why's that?"

"Something about not doing something she thought that I should," Grissom's eyebrows raised as he looked at his drink, swirling in his hand.

"And that was..." She knew that he was being illusive without being deceitful.

"Basically, if I had another chance at something and I didn't go for it, that I was stupid."

"Ah. Mothers can be demanding in their opinions of what they want their children to do."

"Yes," he said as he took another sip of his drink.

"So can I still come in to the lab tomorrow? To absorb some more?"

"That would be great. I could show you some of my bugs. You haven't met Rosie, yet."

Sara drained her drink and motioned to Grissom to see if he wanted a refill as well. He inclined his head and handed her the glass. She poured more drink and said, "So you really are just bugs, roller coasters, and chess?"

"Mostly, yes. Do you find that boring?"

"No. I just think there's more there." She handed him the drink and took a seat next to him. Her face was very close to his. She whispered in his ear as she sat down, "More to you."

Grissom's resolve was slipping. He went through the list, quickly, of reasons why he shouldn't. He was much older than her. He... he...That was the only reason. She obviously didn't care and she was leaving in two days.

Maybe he should take his mother's advice. He turned his head and met her eyes. Centimeters separated them and he closed the gap, finally kissing her for the second time.

His lips burned with her heat. He suddenly remembered how the last kiss had felt--where the last kiss would have went if they hadn't been interrupted.

He kissed her more deeply and she reciprocated. Her hands flew to the back of his head, his to her waist and back. Soon, he trailed kissed down her neck and she sighed. She arched her back toward him, pressing her breasts to his chest. He continued toward them, pushing her shirt up, revealing her lacy bra. Her nipples, pert with arousal, stuck through the widely spaced fabric. Teeth found flesh as he tasted her, through the lace. He could feel himself become completely aroused, repositioning himself so he half covered her, pusher her against the back of the couch.

She responded by vigorously kissing his neck and shoulder, gently biting as she went along. She was now pulling at the back of his shirt, revealing his bare back, the tops of his pants with boxers ringing the edge.

Skin against skin.

They pressed themselves against one another. Grissom returned to Sara's mouth and passionately kisser her again. Her mouth watered with desire. She could feel him pressing against her, hardening with each passing second. She pushed him off her and he began to frown until she unbuttoned his pants. They slid to the floor and she quickly stood up and walked to the bed. He followed and grabbed her from behind, one hand around her waist, unbuttoning her pants, the other across her chest, grabbing her neck. She turned her face to kiss him as he breathed into her ear, "I've waited so long..."

Her pants soon fell slack against her skin and slithered off of her. He roughly pushed her to the bed and turned her over in one fluid movement. He straddled her and unclasped her bra, moving his hands up and down her body. Her hands flew to his chest, stopping briefly over one nipple—then the other—pinching them and making them stand erect.

Her hair splayed out on the bed and he rubbed himself against her, grinding through two layers of fabric—the last two obstacles. He hooked both his thumbs in the waist of his boxers and slid them down, revealing himself to Sara. He continued to gyrate his hips. He stopped for a moment and slid off of her, peeling her panties off as well. He didn't take a moment to look at her. He didn't think about anything. Lust had taken over.

He climbed back over her and put his knee between her legs, pushing them apart. She shivered and he threw a sheet around them. He was not slow or reverent or meticulous about this. He firmly pressed his lips against hers and they delved deep into each other. It was frenzied. Almost panicked. Like they both thought the other was going to disappear at any moment.

Hands flew, lips and teeth kissed and nearly tore into flesh. Sweat began to form on them both as their harried rhythm turned into longer, deeper strides.

A sharp intake of breath marked the heat the spread from Sara's toes, to her joints, up her back. She was soon staring without seeing—a loud moan escaped her. He still rode long and deep, closing his eyes as he felt his body contract. Neither breathed for a full minute while basking in the moment.

When they both finally inhaled, their eyes met and Grissom collapsed into her arms, rolling to her side. The connection not lost, they calmed their breathing. Reality set in as they both realized what had just happened. Grissom was first to talk.

"I can't believe you're leaving." Grissom knew that there was no way around it. She had to go back and he had to stay. He knew, though, that he had not lived like this in many, many years.

"I know. We always have e-mail, right?" Sara said quietly back to him.

"Right." They both lay in silence, feeling the connection slipping, and fell asleep under the sheet.

When evening came, they awoke at the same time. The hotel's curtains were very thick so the room was still rather dark, despite it being an hour before sunset. They looked at each other.

They were embarrassed. They were relieved. They needed coffee. Sara got up first, quickly slipping a long shirt over her head as she got out of bed. He watched her from where he lay, pondering the woman who moved before him.

She came back to bed with two cups of coffee from the room's machine, and she handed him his cup. She sipped hers so as to not feel obligated to talk.

"We've got to get going if we're going to the lab tonight." Grissom tried to break the silence with something that was comfortable. It worked.

"Right. I'll just shower and change. When does shift start?"

"Usually midnight, but I always get there early."

"Alright. When should I be there?"

"I'm going to go home and shower. I'll pick you up at about eight thirty." He got out of bed and slid his boxers up. She walked toward the bathroom.

"Sounds good. I'll see you then." Grissom was already dressed. He left out the door without another word and Sara nearly ran into the shower. This was typical morning after behavior and Sara figured that they would be fine again once they met up later.

And they were.

Sara walked down to his car when he arrived and they spent the evening and night talking about interesting files and the night's cases. She was a quick study, as he knew she would be, and got along with most of the crew rather well. She would have made a good fit here, he noted. All signs of the weirdness they both experienced that early evening were gone.

The next morning, the Sheriff was walking down the hall when Sara and Grissom were bantering back and forth about the possible outcome to the case that Catherine was working on. He listened on. She was good. She was excellent, in fact.

Maybe she would stay. Grissom left her alone in the break room and the Sheriff followed her in.

"Excuse me, I'm the Sheriff."

"I'm Sara Sidle. I was here as a favor for Grissom."

"You work as a CSI?"

"Sort of. I've worked in the coroner's office in San Fransisco. I've also taken a whole slew of forensics seminars."

"What are your future plans?"

"Well, I think I'm going to work for the CSI lab in San Fran. Grissom is recommending me for the job."

"Grissom is recommending you?" This was impressive. "What if I offered you a position here? Our crime lab is better and you could work directly under Grissom."

"I..uh..." Sara was completely taken aback. This could be what she had hoped for. Doing a job that she loved with a man that she, well, at least admired.

"Will you consider it?"

"I will. When can I let you know?"

"Tomorrow. We have to start interviewing again soon."

Sara stood dumbfounded as the man left the lounge area. Nick had heard the whole thing.

"Sounds like you have a job, you want to stay?" Nick was eager to find someone who would stay for at least a few months so he could take vacation.

"I don't know."

Later that morning, Grissom was dropping Sara off at the hotel. She still hadn't told him about the Sheriff's offer.

"Grissom. Would you like to come in? I need to talk to you about something."

"Sara, I would love to, but I have to sleep at home tonight." His eyebrows had raised and he half-smiled.

"This isn't about that. I need some advice." Her voice was business-like and serious. Grissom looked at her with concern and apprehension. Maybe she regretted it. Maybe she was upset with him. He turned the ignition off and followed her to her room. They were sitting on the couch when she started.

"How would you like it if I stayed in Vegas?"

"Sara. I don't know where this is going." He looked up at her, "That would be great and all... but what would you do?"

"I would work at the lab. You already said that you'd recommend me."

"For the San Fransisco lab."

"So I'm not good enough to work here?"

"That's not what I said. Look, Sara. I don't want you to uproot your life for something that is, well, casual." The last thing he needed right now was something serious. The only reason he had taken the chance was because she was leaving. He was looking for an affair, not an engagement.

Sara's eyes darted to his. He didn't want her to stay. "This isn't about you. This is about your boss offering me a job here. I'm thinking about taking it." She was beginning to get defensive.

"Oh." A long pause followed. "Sara, Las Vegas is a hard place to work. You will see things here that you never dreamed of. Bad things. Are you sure?"

"Yes. I--I want to do this."

"Our relationship would have to change. It would have to be professional. Supervisor and subordinate. Nothing more. Ever."

"I can do that." He eyed her, "No, really, I can."

"You'd have to spend the first couple of weeks with me to get your CSI skilled honed." He was trying to discourage her. While he loved having her around, he wasn't sure he wanted her _right there_.

"Fine. Sounds good." In truth, it sounded like agony. She was half mad over this guy and now she would spend all that time with him without any possibility of taking it further?

They sat in silence for a while, both mulling over the possibilities, some burgeoning and some being dashed. Grissom thought about the fact that she would be a constant temptation. Something that he knew he wanted and wouldn't be able to have.

Sara thought about the same thing.

After a few more minutes passed in silence Grissom finally said something. His tone had decidedly changed. "Alright. Well, as the new graveyard shift supervisor, I welcome you aboard, Ms. Sidle." Grissom extended his hand and Sara laughed lightly as she gripped it.

Her eyebrows raised and she laughed again when he asked, "When do you start?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The next week was Sara's first real time on the job. She had a yearning to prove herself, not only for the sake of having earned this job, but to prove to Grissom that he had made the right choice. This was an abduction case. Kidnapping so to speak. She spent all week situating her apartment, belongings, and reading forensic journals to learn as much as she could before her first day. This was it.

She wasn't ready.

There was no way that she was going to be able to work as a criminalist yet. She didn't know enough. She didn't have any real training. She only worked in the coroner's office. She was going to work in the second best lab in the country and she didn't even hold a degree in the subject.

She would just have to call Grissom and tell him that she needed another week or so to prepare. He picked up after two rings.

"Grissom."

"Hey. It's Sara. I was just thinking that I need more time to prepare before I start. I don't think I'm really ready yet--"

"Sara, we need you tonight."

"Grissom, I have a whole stack of journals to read, at least two or three books, not to mention all those boxes of case studies that you brought over."

"Sara, that is the kind of thing you do little by little. You aren't expected to come knowing all that yet."

"I'm just not ready, Griss. I need more time."

"Sara, I hand picked you to work here. If I didn't think you were capable, I wouldn't have asked you. Besides, I am going to place you with me tonight, so it will only be me seeing what you do, no one else. I'll see you in a few."

"Kay."

He hung up the phone without another word. She sat there, phone still in her hand, even more nervous now because he would be right there the whole time. But he had said that he chose her.

Her heart flickered again resonating with the little flutter of hope. He chose her. He hand picked her.

She left for work.

When she got there she ran into Nick who told her that they were driving to a kidnapping across town. Grissom had told them to process the house. Nick took samples and was in the middle of collecting trace fibers when Grissom came in.

"Hey, Griss. I'm just finishing up here."

"Good, take those to the lab, along with this tape. I'll stay here with Sara."

Nick soon left, Grissom was eager to try Sara's skills at imagining the circumstances of the crime. He knew she was nervous because she kept using textbook terminology. Cursory glance. Point of disturbance. Basic evaluation of the scene. She needed to see past those things.

He glanced at the floor. Something was out of place.

"Excuse me. Is my evaluation interrupting you?"

"Huh? No, no, no. I barely heard you."

"Glad I have a healthy ego. Find something interesting?"

"Dirt."

"You're so technical, I can hardly keep up."

"Well, sorry, out of context, it's just dirt." He stood up and walked out of the French doors out onto the patio. Sara followed.

"Did you just slap on some bad cologne?"

"No. I never wear it, it interferes with the job."

"It's almost sweet."

Grissom picked up a handkerchief and both of the CSIs smelled it from a distance.

"Can't be chloroform."

"Halothane, maybe."

"I'll get it up to GC Mass Spec."

"Looks like a professional job, I think you said?" Grissom smiled at Sara. "Care to amend your evaluation?" He was almost flirting with her. She just smiled. "I mean, if the guys forgets the rag he used to knock her out with, he can't be much of a pro."

"I, uh, keep trying to be your star pupil." Sara looked at the ground in obvious embarrassment.

"Sara, that was a seminar. This is real," Grissom lightly chided.

Sara spent the rest of the time canvasing the house in a blur. She knew she hadn't been ready, and now she had made an ass out of herself in front of him.

She was determined to make up for the mistake, but first they had to find this woman. The longer she was left missing, the more likely it was that she was dead. She was waiting for the AV lab to finish processing the tape, when the husband decided that he was going to pay the ransom.

Grissom had asked Sara to meet him in one of the layout rooms. He explained that the dirt they found had interesting properties, namely gold and arsenic. From this, they extrapolated three possible mine locations which could be possible locations for where the wife was being kept. The immediately called search and rescue to order up a chopper.

Grissom got to use his new heat sensing equipment and which impressed Sara. It was not understood by anyone but her and Grissom that she was intended to get the rest of her CSI education under his tutelage. This was one of those times.

Suddenly he saw it.

"What was that?" There was a small light green figure on the darker green LCD.

"Where?"

"Go back!" He was straining to see any anomaly. "There!" Grissom said again, looking at the screen. "Turn around!"

The chopper banked and hovered where Grissom directed him.

"My god, she's below the surface!" He contorted his face with understanding.

"OK!! Let's take her down! Now!" Sara was yelling over the blades.

They landed and yelled for the victim. Suddenly they heard a scream and began to dig in the ground. Soon the rest of S&R arrived to help dig. Grissom finally reached the crate lid and used a pick axe to pry it open. Inside, they found a dirty, but healthy woman, weak from fatigue, hunger, and panic. Grissom, abandoning all protocol, stepped into the box to lift her out.

He still had the presence of mind to collect the tape. "Sara, get me something to cut this tape!"

When the victim had been taken by the S&R crews, Sara stood, dumbfounded and heartbroken. Her vision of mankind just got that much darker. She shook her head at the ground. Grissom noticed her at this point and said, "You ok?" He instinctively put his hand in her hair.

"It never ceases to amaze me what people do to each other." He didn't know it, but she was close to tears. She knew that she would break in front of Grissom if she stayed there, so she continued with her work.

At almost the same time, the man trying to collect the ransom was caught.

Sara and Grissom went to the lab and then Grissom left for the hospital. They needed to collect evidence and interview the victim. Sara stayed at the lab.

Grissom interviewed the woman. She wasn't very helpful but Grissom asked for a blood sample, just the same. They shortly got the guy and Sara had two things to process: a crate and a car.

The crate yielded prints. The car broke the case.

She liked cars for three reasons. One, you didn't have to talk to them. No threats. No lying. No glares across the interrogation table. Second, if you take it apart, you can put it back together. Easy. It wasn't like trying to fix something that was broken when you found it. Last, there were all sorts of places that evidence could be left. Nooks and crannies that could hold hair, blood, fibers, dirt. It was like a veritable treasure trove of evidence.

She went to work. While looking it over, she noticed something odd. She opened the medical file again. Her eyes flitted between the passenger seat of the truck and the medical report. She walked out to find Grissom, determined to impress him this time.

"Hey Griss. Come tape me up?" She wanted this to sound a little dirty.

He followed her to the room after saying a few words to Catherine and Sara handed him the tape. His eyebrows went up a bit as she offered her hands to him, outstretched. She had thought about this, though in a slightly different context, many times. His hand took hers while the other wrapped the tape around her wrists. He was careful not to wrap it too hard.

"So you found laura's hairs here, passenger side, front seat," Grissom started.

"Right, not in the back, which made me ask, what kind of kidnapper leaves a woman bound and unconscious in the front seat? The back of my arm isn't touching the sheep skin, see?"

"Yeah, so."

"But there is sheep skin fibers on the back of Laura's sleeve. That tells us Laura sat back like a normal person would. Cut me Mick." Grissom cut the tape and they smiled again at each other. Sara placed her arms at her sides and said, "Like this."

"So she wasn't bound at all?"

"Correct, but would a kidnapper risk putting an unconscious woman in the front seat even unbound. Answers usually in the question, you taught me that. So, was she unconscious? We found halothane on the patio. Halothane knocks you out—if you take it.

"So, you're saying she never inhaled the halothane."

"Proof would be in the blood. Halothane stays in the system up to 48 hours."

"How pleased am I that I got a sample of her blood. So you can go check at the lab see how it turned out."

"Dammit! I wanted to carry the ball over the line." She wanted to really impress him. She also wanted to take him right there. It had been more than a little arousing when he had taped her up and leaned in so closely.

"I know." Before Grissom knew it, he was staring at an empty truck seat, thinking of Sara. Brass interrupted his musings.

The rest of the case went well enough. They convicted both the "kidnapper" and the "kidnapped." They concluded that the Mrs. Had been involved. They watched her being carted off and Nick turned to Sara and Grissom a short while later, "Wanna go grab some food?"

They both assented and left for a breakfast place. When they got there, a waitress asked the usual, "Smoking or non?"

Nick and Grissom replied "non," at the same time that Sara replied, "smoking."

They all stopped and looked at each other. "What? I'll sit in non. I didn't know it was an issue." Sara was staring back at the two who cast accusatory looks at her.

"I didn't know you smoked." Grissom was clearly surprised. Nick listened hard, they all knew that Sara and Grissom had a history, but no one knew how much of one.

"Started about a year ago. Trying to quit."

"Smoking seriously impairs your olfactory sense," Grissom chided.

"Talk to Catherine about it, too then. She's also trying to quit."

"No way! Cath?" Nick was astonished this time.

"Yes way. We're both using niccorette." Sara was walking toward their booth, now and getting a little defensive. "We're both trying to stop. What is the big deal?"

"It doesn't help you do your job"

"It isn't good for you."

Grissom and Nick both answered at the same time.

She decided to ignore Grissom's remark. "I'm quitting, Nick. It's no big deal."

"I still can't believe I didn't know that you smoked," Grissom ruminated as he picked up his menu.

"There are lots of things you don't know about me, Grissom."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Sara was fitting into the team quite well, other than the fact that she and Catherine seemed to bump heads still. Sara chalked it up to alpha female territory. She had gotten a nice studio apartment and filled it with pictures and deep jewel colored tones. She didn't spend much time there and when she did, she ordered take out and shopped online and from catalogs. She often had the police scanner on when she was, on the rare occasion, home.

She lived for work. She lived for Grissom. Sara had fallen into the habit of doing almost nothing else besides work. She stayed late, came in early, came in on her days off, and even fell asleep at the lab once in a while.

The whole team was beginning to notice her dedication, or as Catherine called it, obsession, with solving the crimes. Grissom figured she was still just learning as much as possible. At least, that was what he thought until the case with Pamela Adler.

Sara was obsessed. She knew it, too.

She entered the hospital room and felt the victim's hand.

"She's warm." Sara put her hand back down.

"Feels different, huh," the detective said.

"Um, we're going to need a little privacy," Sara said as he exited.

She began to process the first living person she ever had to deal with as evidence. This was very different. She began to talk to ease her tension. "I never liked this part of my yearly exam, these things are always freezing," Sara said as she blew hot air on the speculum before inspecting the woman.

Sara had finished processing her and started to look through the victim's clothes and other personal effects. A small chain fell to the floor, and Sara stooped to pick it up. It was Saint Catherine, the martyr. "St. Catherine? She studied Science. She was tough and very outspoken. Went against the emperor himself. Chewed him out for persecuting Christians. Took two or three tries to execute her. She never gave up. She was brave." Sara closed Pamela's hand around the talisman.

"You hold on to this." Sara leaned in close and whispered as Grissom entered the room "This should not have happened to you. But I promise, I will find out who did this. I promise."

"Hey," Grissom said making his presence known.

"Hey." After a pause. "Sexual assault case ready to process."

"How does it look?"

"We'll see. She's breathing."

"She's evidence." Sara turned around to prevent herself from saying what was on her mind. That Grissom was cold and unfeeling. That he shouldn't treat humans like objects.

He seemed to pick up on it. "Sara, if you try to chase two rabbits, you end up loosing them both."

Sara got to the lab to log the evidence and go through the rest with Nick and Grissom. She ended up on the missing person's database looking through reports, looking for one that matched her Jane Doe.

While at the computer, she ruminated on how Nick and Grissom had treated her when she called the victim Jane, as if the woman didn't deserve to have a name, to be known. It was bad enough that women don't usually report these crimes. It was bad enough that many people thought it was the woman's fault, but to have those working for your side treat you like an object, like you're already dead, that was just inhumane.

She remembered the cold tissue scratching her skin when she was in a similar hospital bed. The accusatory looks from the nurse as she performed the SAE kit. The similarities were becoming too much for her. She tried to put it from her mind.

Grissom entered and heard Sara singing to herself, trying to dislodge the memories that haunted her.

"Hey," he said as he entered.

"Any luck on 23rd street?" Sara asked.

"I broke in my new shoes. That's about it. What did the lab say?" Grissom responded.

"The DNA on the ball cap is a match to the semen on the Jane Doe, but Codis hasn't kicked out a name."

"So you're just, looking at missing persons' reports?" He obviously thought that this was a waste of time.

"We're not having any luck finding the shooter from his DNA or the belt loop so I thought that I would try and identify the poor woman before she dies." She was beginning to get short in her answers.

After a long pause, "Sara, do you have any diversions?"

"Do I what?" This was not what Sara had been expecting Grissom to say.

"You max out on overtime every month. You go home and listen to your scanner. You read forensic text books."

"Yeah..." She didn't understand.

"Look, everyday we meet people on the worst day of their lives, its a lot to deal with. Everyone who's had any time on this job knows that you have to have a diversion in order to cope with what we see. What do you do for fun?"

"I chase rabbits--" her temper was getting the better of her, "and I read crime books and I listen to the scanner."

"You need something outside of law enforcement. Catherine has her kid, you know. I sometimes ride roller coasters. What do you do?"

"Nothing." She was loosing her patience.

"OK... What do you like?"

"I don't like anything!"

"You godda' find something to like. You can't get too close to the victims."

"She's special...to me, I can' t help it." He didn't understand.

"If you don't find something they'll all become special and you'll burn out." His words echoed in her head. The last thing she needed right now was him patronizing her.

Grissom saw his cue to leave but turned at the door, "Sara--." He was nearly pleading now.

"Ok, I'm almost done, I just have to log off." Sara was getting defensive now. While everyone else went home, she stayed and looked for her Jane. It wasn't until the crew was back that she struck gold. Her name was Pamela.

Nick and Grissom met at the beginning of the shift. "So now you wanna use the scent dogs?" Nick had noticed Sara's obsession with this case and Grissom's growing concern with his colleague. Nick still wondered what kind of history lay there. "You're rushing this case for Sara."

Nick's words stung. Grissom knew that he was acting differently since Sara had decided to stay, but he hadn't told anyone why. Seeing Sara so tortured like this was getting to him. He wanted to get this case wrapped up. He decided not to respond to Nick's accusation. Nick and Grissom let the dogs go. It wasn't long before Sara got a call from Nick about a possible suspect.

Finally, she felt at ease enough to meet Nick in the layout room. While she looked through the photos of the crime scene, she sang, feeling much happier about Jane Doe having been identified and having a possible suspect.

It wasn't until they had caught the guy and there was no way for him to be charged with murder or attempted murder unless Pamela died that she really lost it again. She went to the hospital and met the victim's husband. It reminded her, again, of the lack of justice in the world. Her attacker would never be found and this woman's attacker would never be held responsible for what he had done, not really.

Sara made her way to Grissom's office to brief him on what had happened with the case. She sat down in his chair and sighed. She was exhausted, functioning only on caffeine and emotion. She sighed and Grissom noticed her sitting there.

"So, how did it go?" Grissom glanced up from his papers.

"It—uh. It's fine. The victim will be transferred to a long term facility." Tears began to roll down her cheeks. "She won't die."

"Sara..."

"I don't know if I want her to die or live. What kind of life will she ever have? But if she died, then we could really nail this guy."

"Things don't always happen how you'd like them to." He got up from his desk and took a seat in the chair next to Sara. "I told you that you would see things here that you never thought you'd see. Are you going to be alright?"

"I'm fine. It's that woman who isn't fine. And her husband." There was a long silence as the tears kept leaking down her face.

"The husband doesn't get it. He's so happy that she's going to live. He doesn't realize that she's going to be in a vegetative state for the rest of her life. And that kid is going to be out of juvie in 48 months. It's not fair." She took labored breaths, stemming the sobs that wanted to come.

"It's the system."

"What kind of system rewards the suspect when the victim is too tough to die?" They both looked down at this. Sara got up to leave and crossed to the door.

"Sara, you have to learn to let it go or you're going to spend all your time in hospitals trying to help the people you couldn't save."

"I wish I were like you, Grissom, I wish I didn't feel anything."

Sara went home that night and curled up on her couch and cried. Walking into work the next day, Grissom called her into his office.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine." Sara, the ever powerful, put up a strong front.

"Do you want to go to breakfast in the morning, after shift?"

"That would be great."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Sara walked down the hall a few days later, arriving from a scene. Grissom and her had planned another breakfast and she was feeling a bit better, despite knowing that this breakfast would lead to where all the other meals lead—to a split check and separate apartments. All the same, the occasional meals were nice. Their flirting, no matter any official stance, had not abated. From talk about sex in airplanes to flirty smiles to staying up all night watching a pig carcass and sharing a thermos of coffee, their relationship had remained playful and dangerously close to temptation without ever crossing the line.

Lately, however, Grissom and Sara's conversations had become a bit more serious during breakfast. The day before, they had talked about Sara's emotions on the job.

"I can't help it." Sara said defensively.

"Yes, you can. We all do. You need to as well. Emotions cloud judgment. You need to get them under control. At least on the outside. It is not at all reassuring when someone in the law enforcement crew shows their anger or sadness or even happiness. You need to learn to show a flatter affect." He was trying to say all this as kindly as possible, but the words still sear Sara's brain.

"So how you reacted to Zachary Andersen's murder is ok, but my emotions are not?" Sara knew this was a touchy subject but felt she needed to push.

Grissom suddenly remembered stooping to pick up the infant. How small and cold he felt. How angry he was when the Doc had said the baby's death was not an accident. He remembered his first case. It had been a little girl, two months old. It had been the hardest case of his career. Zachary reminded him of it.

"He was a baby. It was different." Grissom finally responded as he crossed his arms.

"I don't think it is Grissom. They're all people." She looked pointedly at him.

"Well, I guess you can't say I don't feel things, then." He raised his eyebrows at Sara.

"I guess not, but you don't show them like the rest of us. You don't show them like I do."

"I control them most of the time."

"I have emotions, I'll try to hide them as much as possible, but if this is really a problem for you, then maybe I should apply to work somewhere else."

"That's not what I'm saying. It is certainly not what I want." He looked at her, "I'm just trying to help you do your job better. Will you try?"

"I'll try. I'm not a robot, though. I don't know how much you feel or don't, but I won't ever be like you."

"I never asked you to be."

They finished their breakfast quickly after that and had a little more conversation about the case from a few days ago. No one at the lab realized their breakfasts were more like therapy sessions and one on one seminars than anything resembling romantic.

The whole lab, however, knew that there was some serious chemistry between the two most work obsessed employees and their frequent breakfasts didn't help the gossip. Nick and Warrick often speculated about the nature of the relationship.

"Do you think they ever crossed that boundary" Nick asked over a burger at lunch.

"I dunno, man. Grissom? I mean, I kinda thought he was asexual," Warrick responded.

"He flirts with women all over the lab all the time. He's not as asexual as you think."

"Really?"

"Oh Yeah. I just wonder what the history between Sara and him is."

"She's a total fox," Warrick began, "He'd be stupid not to if the offer were there."

"But he's her supervisor. That could cause problems." Nick took a sip of his soda.

"Whatever. This is the new Millennium. Who cares? They could figure something out."

"So you do think they have a history?"

"That much is certain." Warrick got up and exited the break room.

The whole team was working on, what looked to be, a serial murder case. The first girl was found raped, bound, and bludgeoned to death. There was evidence of repeated strangulation attempts. It had the whole team was on edge and working overtime.

Sara had just gotten back from the second scene. The same signature, different MO. It made her sick. Why had she been so lucky as a college student and these two women not? She wanted to catch this guy so badly she could taste it.

"Hey Sar." Warrick joined her in the layout room and glanced at the photos that Sara was looking at.

"Hey Rick, how's it going?" She didn't look up.

"Things are alright. Just wish we could nail this guy. Any new leads?"

"Nothing. No finger prints, no hair, no nothing. Just a dead girl posed like a a playboy girl. It makes me sick."

"Makes us all on edge." Warrick lowered his voice, "how are you coping?"

"Me?" She looked up at him finally. "I'm fine. I just want to catch this guy."

"We all do. When was the last time you had a day off?"

"Why?" Sara was quick on the defensive and short with her answer.

Warrick could feel the cracking below him, signaling the thin ice he had just tread upon. "Just wonderin'."

"A few weeks ago. Working makes me feel better."

"Yeah, well, don't get greedy with the overtime." Warrick attempted to lighten the mood and they both laughed.

Just then they were both paged. _187 _ flashed across her pager with an address. Her heart sunk, she knew this was another girl.

When she arrived, she walked in with her forensics kit past several officers. She turned the corner to the bedroom and took one look at the victim. Before she could stop herself, "Dammit!"

Grissom turned around and grabbed Sara's shoulder "Sara, come here."

"Damn that guy!" Sara was loosing control.

He was talking quickly to her in the hallway. "Listen, no emotions in here."

"He's escalating, Grissom--" Sara began but Grissom cut her off.

"That's the pattern, it's a continuum."

"Guess he wants to get caught." Sara crossed her arms.

"Signature killers never want to get caught, and they won't stop until they are. Go see if you can find any hairs or fibers. Maybe we'll get lucky."

Sara and Warrick combed the scene but found no hair or fibers save on hair on the bed. Sara also looked for prints, but there were none. The Sheriff, meanwhile, requested Grissom's presence. The Feds were being brought in. If anything could have made things worse, this was it.

Grissom excused himself from the Sheriff and the Special Agent, what's-his-name and saw the Doc about his victim's autopsy. He shortly met with his team in the lab when he nearly collided with his crew in the hall. It was like a stampede to an unfamiliar locale and it became clear that Grissom hadn't been invited.

"Hey Grissom, you need something? I'm on my way back to the crime scene." Nick caught Grissom in the hall.

"I'm going to evidence."

"Well, I just got paged about the signature case." Then Sara and Warrick joined the other two in the hall, striding toward where the FBI was stationed in the lab.

Sara said something but her words were drowned out by his thoughts as he saw

men is suits filing into the room. He turned the corner to find Special Agent Couldpepper meeting with various people, clearly about the case.

The special agent looked up, "Ya'll got my page. Good."

"I didn't," Grissom said pointedly.

"We'll get you a new battery," the agent said, brushing Grissom off. "I thought we'd convo about the strangler. Hear what you got. Tell you what we think our next move should be."

Grissom realized his case was being taken from him. He turned around and said to his team, "Would you guys go back to my office please? I'll be in in a few minutes." They turned to leave, but Sara only turned the corner so she could hear what was being said. She knew what this meeting was about.

As she left the scene earlier that morning, she had been in a bit of a rage, still, and one of the FBI agents by the name of Cirksend asked her if she was alright.

"_Need to blow off some stream?" He asked._

"_I'm just so frustrated with this killer! I can't help it. I would do almost anything to stop him." Sara replied._

_The agent looked at Sara. She looked like the type. Tall, brunette, strong. She could be a decoy. "We, actually, my have a proposition for you. If you'll agree." Cirksend was in charge of special operations in the FBI homicide devision. "You fit the profile. We could wire you up, follow you, and place you where the killer seems to be finding these women. You would be totally safe and would be helping to stop the murderer." _

_Sara thought about this for about a second before agreeing. "Absolutely. Sign me up." _

"_We'll let you know when the operation is in place. For now, don't tell anyone and standby. _

"I'll be happy to relay any pertinent information to my team." Grissom was not even trying to be civil.

"Fine. Got anything to report to us?" The agent asked.

"You first." Grissom replied.

"OK. We have an operation in place. Your CSI Sidle has expressed an interest to my agents in availing herself and we wanted to let you know before we made the official offer."

Grissom looked down. His heart sank. He knew Sara was frustrated with how long this was taking, but volunteering yourself to these people was almost like feeding yourself to the wolves.

Sara began to poke her head back into the room to hear better what was going on. She heard her name and knew that it was only a matter of time before she would have to defend herself.

"What kind of operation?" He asked Agent Couldpepper.

"Well, let's talk about your great capacity for observation. Sara Sidle matches the victim prototype to a T. She's a young woman, burnette, tall for a female." the agent continued to say as Grissom looked behind him to see Sara meekly entering the room. Grissom's jaw dropped as he turned to face the FBI agent as the reality dawned on him. They were planning to bait him. Like you use to catch fish. Chum, like you use to lure sharks to a boat.

"You're not serious." Grissom began.

"And by all reports, she steady. Has the right personality for a decoy operation." The man continued.

"You're going to bait this guy with a human being? This is your big FBI plan?" Grissom's words dripped with disparagement.

"Before he kills again, yes," said Agent Couldpepper, "Got a better idea?"

"Understanding him first, completely. So we can get ahead of him," Grissom answered. Sara adjusted uncomfortably behind him. She was obviously impatient with Grissom's answer.

"And if he kills again while we are trying to understand him?"

"Well, I'm sorry, but he's not going to kill my CSI!" Grissom said.

Sara had lost her patience. She was tired of these men talking about her like she wasn't there. "I'm going to to it Grissom."

Grissom reeled around to look at her. This was the last thing he expected her to do. His mouth gaped open.

"I want to," she continued.

"You want to put yourself in the path of a psychotic killer!" He retorted.

"I'm trained in weaponless defense."

"Well that's too bay because that's what turns him on, women fighting back." Grissom was loosing his cool now, "Gives him a greater sense of power when he finally makes his kill."

"Grissom--"

"Sit down Sara." Grissom would hear no more here. She slowly complied while Grissom spun around to continue his staring contest with the agent.

Agent Couldpepper knew he was defeated right then. Lost that scrimmage but he would try again. "OK. If we're to follow your line of thinking, you got a head of him?"

"Not yet." Grissom's words were cold. "He knows just enough about forensics to be dangerous. He thinks he throwing us off track by planting confederate hairs. He probably shaves his head, maybe his entire body as DNA protection. He may gag his victims using a garden variety bath towel which he then takes with him as part of his murder kit. He will go after another tall brunette and this time the torture will be worse. But this time, he won't ejaculate. At least not at the scene."

"At home later, learning control," the agent finished.

"Think he knows his next victim?" Sara asked.

"Signature killers always know their next victim. But they don't know him." Grissom turned to look into Sara's eyes, "Until he tortures, rapes, and kills them."

Grissom stayed late at the lab. He had so much on his mind, he couldn't even think about going home. His most trusted CSI was talking about taking over the night shift supervisorship. The woman he was friends with, who had come to this lab on his own recommendation, was offering herself as bait, his case was being turned into a circus by the Feds, and he still hadn't caught this serial killer.

He picked up his jacket and walked over to the police station to visit with Brass. He called Brass first.

"Brass."

"Hey, it's Grissom, I was wondering if you were busy." Grissom never asked this kind of question.

Brass replied, "Not at all. Why?"

"I'm feeling a bit claustrophobic in the lab."

"Common' over and we'll have some brandy." Brass always had a bottle in his office.

Grissom was soon sitting in the chair opposite Brass going over possible suspects. It wasn't until Brass mentioned the FBI that his heckles raised. "When did you become friendly with the Feds? I didn't think you had that in you."

"Never make an enemy when you can just as easily make a friend," Brass quipped. "FBI's OK. I've kissed worse ass. I godda say, I don't like this decoy OP that they're talking up. I remember when Holly Gribbs died. I sent her out in the field and she wasn't ready."

Grissom leaned in, concern scrawled across his face. "I told Cauldpepper that he could not have Sara."

"I know what he told you..."


End file.
